Bonfires, Brews, and Board Games: Cultivating Christian Friendship. Part 2

[00:00:00] We did New Year's together that year. And then the next year we did it again and then we decided well we've done it twice. Well in the church that's a tradition. Now it's gotta be tradition.

[00:00:30] In All Things is a listening ear into conversations about receiving and giving the love and hope of Christ. These conversations are an invitation because as much as you'll hear and as much as we enjoy having them, digital media operates from a distance. And that's not what's best for us with God or with one another. So thanks for listening.

[00:00:53] And if you're in the neighborhood, we invite you to participate in person in the life that finds at Tepa Center at St. Paul's Lutheran Church, 210 East Pleasant Street, in O'Conwalk, Wisconsin.

[00:01:23] That's not it. So here's the thing, right? I said this before I'll say it again. Really it's only God in Christ. It's only His grace. It's only His forgiveness that makes this work. Right? I am my brothers keeper and I look out for Mark as much as I can and Mark sees himself as my keeper.

[00:01:52] And he looks out for me as much as he can. And sometimes that means asking each other straight up, how's your marriage? Right? Which we started doing after another friend of ours from undergrad, suddenly and unexpectedly just publicly told everybody, oh by the way, we're divorced now.

[00:02:11] And it's just one of those weird things where all your friends that you're all the same age, you go through that phase, there's a couple years after college where everyone gets married and then 10, 15 years down the road, one of you gets divorced. And like wow, that was a good check. Yeah, I would have said something else, but check us better. Yeah.

[00:02:30] So we started asking each other that question and still do. Right? We're randomly out of the blue, we'll just text each other, how's your marriage? And the expectation is you're going to answer that honestly. And then we can pray for each other.

[00:02:49] So that's the kind of conversation that you can have with the barista, that you are developing in that relationship.

[00:02:55] I can't have that conversation with Bill at the quick trip over on Brown Street, right? That's not going to happen. But with Mark, it happens seamlessly. Right? It happens seamlessly.

[00:03:09] So remember, you are your brother's keeper. So when you find that human and you say, hey, that human's kind of weird and I'm kind of weird. So I'm going to say, let's be friends. And then I'm going to look out for that human like I want to be looked out for.

[00:03:26] Because that's my friend.

[00:03:27] So we started with proximity and commonality in that built acquaintance. We took that acquaintance and through the power of the Holy Spirit and the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ friendship.

[00:03:39] So you need the Christian friendship, right? There's there's there's what how did we put this it's on this thing. It's on this thing that we gave you, right? And this is the point acquaintance plus intentionality. Right?

[00:03:54] So we're in moving into friendship box, right? Yeah. So back to that general satisfaction survey and the fact that Mary people just tend to be happier is this weird paradox where because marriage is limiting. It's within these boundaries.

[00:04:11] That we find freedom and fulfillment in the institution of marriage.

[00:04:19] As much as I think Pastor mentioned this, like as much as you might think, oh just sleeping around with as many people as I want to and not getting married seems like a way that our life to have. No actually what we find is that people who are married in stable relationships are way more satisfied.

[00:04:38] And so the one of the ways that our friendship and our families bonded is that one New Year's Eve, we drove to Jamesville, Wisconsin where they were on Vickorage.

[00:04:51] And we celebrated New Year's Eve because I was going I was taking my family down to Christmas with my with with my parents and it just you know Jamesville is on the way from Minneapolis to Chicago. So we stopped and we celebrated New Year's Eve or maybe we stopped on the way back whatever it was.

[00:05:08] Yeah, you had been in Chicago. It's celebrated Christmas with your family and on the way home you stopped in Jamesville.

[00:05:14] I was on Vickorage. We did New Year's together that year and then the next year we did it again and then we decided well we've done it twice.

[00:05:22] Well, in the church that's a tradition. Now it's got to be tradition and so it was weird how that really did become tradition.

[00:05:30] And so putting that structure on it developed this again this reason for getting together like that's all we needed.

[00:05:41] Because before that again there hadn't been much more than a quaint and shit.

[00:05:48] And if this gives you any indication of how much that New Year's tradition has become a meaningful thing for us in COVID during the lockdown.

[00:06:02] The thing that we miss the most because of COVID was the year that I got COVID. The year that we moved here and I got COVID that Christmas.

[00:06:13] And I was in a bed isolated from my family like I mean I was bad. Right.

[00:06:23] That year we both said the thing that we miss the most of all the things that COVID took from us. Of all the things that we missed.

[00:06:35] My daughter's eighth grad graduation and confirmation and a spring musical and I mean there's a lot of big moments in our family's lives together that happened that year.

[00:06:47] But of all the things that we missed because of the lockdown because of COVID. The thing that affected us the most was we didn't get to spend New Year's together.

[00:06:57] And there are plenty of years I think that our family's only like those the only time we saw each other right and then gradually we built in some summer trips.

[00:07:06] Well and then we helped when we moved in to live in the West Salem and we were three hours away.

[00:07:11] It did right that made it a lot easier because yeah we had to drive or they had to drive across state lines or we had to drive across state lines but effectively if we left at six in the morning we could get there by 10.

[00:07:22] Spend a good chunk of the day together and then come home right.

[00:07:26] Right day trips made sense yeah they don't know so and yet and yet right here's a hat tip he's going to say.

[00:07:35] There's a hat tip he's probably not going to tell you. His high schools robotics team is in the Minnesota state competition this weekend.

[00:07:47] Hey where's Mark?

[00:07:49] We meet the quarters.

[00:07:50] Where's Mark? He's here.

[00:07:52] It's fine because we committed to do this long before we knew that the team was going to end up at the state level and doing this kind of stuff together being together as friends.

[00:08:04] Is something that we put on the calendar above most of everything else.

[00:08:13] Because it's and there's a count acquaintance and intentionality but that intentionality is backed up when Jesus is in the midst of it.

[00:08:22] And I see in Mark a guy who holds me accountable a guy who loves me because Jesus loves me.

[00:08:30] A guy that I love because Jesus loves him right our families have developed this connection over the years and and I'll tell you.

[00:08:41] I am humbled. I am humbled that Mark and his family pack it into their vehicle and drive however far it is to comment thanks Becca.

[00:08:57] However far it is to come and see us right now again when we lived in West Salem it was four or five times a year.

[00:09:05] Now it's more like twice this year three maybe we get four because we're coming up in June.

[00:09:15] For you for you Becca for somebody's graduation open house.

[00:09:20] Rebecca phase treader a class of twenty twenty four Mary Lutheran high school she didn't know that she didn't know that until just not.

[00:09:27] Mary not didn't think it through didn't put two and two together.

[00:09:31] Oh right. I forgot that I was going to college next year sure right and that for.

[00:09:39] I am humbled by that um and and I think I think that.

[00:09:49] Yeah they are they're making memories.

[00:09:55] I think that the grace that Mark and Chrissy and Rebecca and Gabe show our family and being willing to travel.

[00:10:07] Means a lot it means more than I can probably say in in making friendship work but here's the here's the maybe the best news about all of that because I don't want to build it up and make it more than it is right is that you were created for this.

[00:10:23] Yes when you were created in the image of our God it was that is a triune god father son and Holy Spirit when he says let us create man in our image.

[00:10:33] He that that is that's not the royal we that's not anything like that right God is never alone God the father is always there with God the spirit and God the son.

[00:10:44] When you read through that creation account in the book of Genesis over and over again God says that his creation is good it is to.

[00:10:52] And when it gets when it gets to the end.

[00:10:54] It's both everything is created to have mahove everything is very good and then there's this record scratch at the beginning of.

[00:11:01] Boaker to okay whatever.

[00:11:07] Yeah thank you he teaches him for that he brought.

[00:11:11] He brought.

[00:11:12] Thank you for that.

[00:11:13] I know yeah so there's this record scratch at the beginning of Genesis chapter two when God says it is not good for the man to be alone.

[00:11:24] What and what that is the one moment where God says this is not good.

[00:11:29] It is not good everything that I have made is very good and then in Genesis two he goes oh this is not good the man is alone.

[00:11:38] So so that community again is something God created you for and he's going to.

[00:11:45] Help you and work through with you to place you in that community and your own your life only is harder and more difficult when you.

[00:11:54] So you can't go back to your own community.

[00:12:00] So again we kind of started by saying hey look around there is there's an entire room full or a world full of people out there for you to be friends with.

[00:12:12] Like there's also an entire world full of people who are there to be friends with you right and to take care of you and to watch out for you.

[00:12:23] I want to I want to pull this all as we're talking about being created for this and being that this is what you're made for right.

[00:12:33] This is not just what you're created for and not just what you're made for this is what you're redeemed for right.

[00:12:39] This is what Christ in his grace by his cross in his empty tomb has done is he has said to you everything the father's told me I've told you.

[00:12:51] I don't call you servants anymore I call you friends and that's all it takes.

[00:13:00] The thing Christ is called us friends right so when you're not what a work buddy I have in Jesus it's not a word what a work buddy I have in Jesus right.

[00:13:12] What a game buddy I have in Jesus quick story about we're playing a board game called a zoole it's a tile laying game it's so it's easy it's like last month it's creative right so this is current in our friendship right.

[00:13:28] But but I wanted it to be current in our friendship not historical because so you were jerk on purpose to for those purposes of this story.

[00:13:35] Oh I'm sorry I haven't even let him tell the story let me feel sorry I stepped on your I stepped on your moment.

[00:13:43] Never happens so we were we were done with the game we were trying to clear the table and get ready for dinner we were scoring the game as we were going through Mark was the last one to score his tiles.

[00:13:56] And as the kids as the our sons were playing with us and as they finished scoring their tiles I was sweeping their tile boards and putting it away as they're scoring it.

[00:14:07] And it came turn to or time for Mark's turn to score his board and as he began to score his board without thinking I picked up the scoring tile from his board and put it in the bag.

[00:14:24] You didn't quite flip the table well it doesn't matter because you already put all the tiles away so it wasn't like a big dramatic show wasn't like the time to ride where I literally flip the board because I was so mad at you.

[00:14:38] Right by the way never play monopoly with faster Jason but like you'll meet some people who are just insane about certain things.

[00:14:48] And then you know Jason is a monopoly nutcase like no not only isn't even that great a game we play monopoly by the rules.

[00:14:58] See one of those.

[00:15:01] I niche kite on the next one fried kid rules monopoly Nazi.

[00:15:09] We play monopoly by the rules which means when you land on free parking you get free parking that's it.

[00:15:19] But I tell you the story but I tell you to but I tell you this I tell you the story about the scoring tile in a zoole and we tell you the story about flipping the ticket to ride board over because I took another one of his route possibilities.

[00:15:38] We tell you that so we can tell you this what makes friendship work is when it's rooted and it's grounded when added foundation is the forgiveness and grace that we have in Christ.

[00:15:59] There's all kinds of reasons you can find to be upset with somebody there's all kinds of reasons you can find to say that person who is weird this little weird thing about them is so weird I can't be around that.

[00:16:14] And there's all kinds of excuses you can have to not spend time together and to not get together and not to pick up the phone after 20 years or however long it's been and just catch up and say hi you can still do that.

[00:16:26] Pastor Lance right and and you can do so with an apology that asks for forgiveness knowing that you have already been forgiven in Christ knowing that you've already received that gift and then ask your friend to give it to you right we we do that.

[00:16:49] Forgive each other fairly regularly sometimes we actually ask for it forgiveness that is right sometimes more often than not it's just a matter of I'm not going to hold against my friend something that they said or did that I disagreed with or that I struggled with or that I could have easily chosen to be offended about instead

[00:17:17] I'm going to operate toward my friend in grace and love in the grace and love that Christ gives us to share with one another because that's what we're called to gravity stronger over there be careful.

[00:17:32] And it's honestly it's that friendship that includes Christ's forgiveness is beyond anything you could try to manufacture on your own.

[00:17:48] It just is.

[00:17:50] That's what makes this work and it's hard enough that I certainly don't I don't think any of us are suggesting that you're going to have dozens and dozens of supercars.

[00:18:01] And it's not just a matter of the fact that you're going to have thousands of super close friends anymore than you'd have multiple spouses in your life right.

[00:18:10] How many how many really close friends do I have?

[00:18:15] One I'm the extrovert of extroverts how many people know me as well as he does.

[00:18:21] One my wife, two.

[00:18:25] She spent ten minutes talking your shirt in one time.

[00:18:30] It's like it had to be part like he I don't know if it's like he must be autistic or something like he had these jeans right and like the stocking and sorry okay but the talking into the shirt remember you said you're going to tell embarrassing stories that was not that embarrassing.

[00:18:44] Thank you questions comments concerns rebuttals we want to hear from you as well we said this wasn't going to be a Ted talk and then we just stood here and talked.

[00:18:53] What do you want to know stop.

[00:19:03] We were like trying to go out somewhere we got a goal watch pot never boils.

[00:19:11] Yeah hang on hang on you do because we're recording.

[00:19:19] So you've talked about how like mark your more of an introvert and Pastor chocolate your more of an extrovert.

[00:19:26] How does you feel that factors into your friendship and do you sometimes just feel like he adopted you won't let you go.

[00:19:38] I feel like he adopted me and won't let me like like am I I don't like if I'm not like sending out secret blink messages like.

[00:19:48] Save me it's nothing like that.

[00:19:53] I like okay so introversion extroversions really weird like you probably wouldn't guess that I'm super introverted just by watching me stand up here right so I'm like this extremely rare breed of introvert where I love being on stage.

[00:20:07] I love absolutely love having every eye in the room on me.

[00:20:11] I love performing I hate small talk.

[00:20:17] I assume that I have no idea if I have no idea if this ends with like some kind of like mingling thing but I will probably try to duck out and run away because I have no desire to try and make small things.

[00:20:32] I have two vehicles here right on the other hand like hanging out one on one small group a small over the dinner table conversation those are the things I love.

[00:20:48] So it's fun hanging out with extroverts because you just keep to watch them like do their extrovert thing and it looks like magic to me like wow how do you do that.

[00:20:58] And you can kind of like throw little grenades into their little impromptu conversations and it's just hilarious.

[00:21:10] I don't know.

[00:21:13] I'm really glad I'm amusing for you.

[00:21:16] I mean that.

[00:21:17] I don't know how that plays into our friendship dynamic at all except that I just endlessly entertained by it.

[00:21:26] Yes, Pastor Donald.

[00:21:30] Nice skipping.

[00:21:31] So what if I am mild extroverts but what if you're what if you're you what if you're quite an introvert and so you know you've come and you've heard this and you're realizing wow where I

[00:21:46] really kind of live my life alone and I don't have any friends and and I don't have an extrovert who's adopted me.

[00:21:54] What do I what do I do?

[00:22:00] You're going to die alone.

[00:22:01] I'm just really sad.

[00:22:02] I'm sorry.

[00:22:04] No.

[00:22:05] Wow.

[00:22:06] What you can't say that.

[00:22:07] You can't say that.

[00:22:08] You can't say that.

[00:22:09] You can't say that.

[00:22:10] No.

[00:22:11] Seriously.

[00:22:12] The truth.

[00:22:13] No, that's not.

[00:22:18] And here's how I know it's not true because they're not my people.

[00:22:23] I don't know.

[00:22:24] Come back a minute.

[00:22:25] What is killing me?

[00:22:27] My wife is an introvert right and so I do have several other friends who are introverts.

[00:22:36] And so in we introverts, we build relationships differently.

[00:22:41] Introverts and extroverts are actually not that different people.

[00:22:45] The big difference between introversion and extroversion is what gives you energy.

[00:22:51] As an introvert, what gives me energy is being alone, being by myself, being on my own.

[00:22:57] I prefer to live with a book.

[00:22:58] Giving myself time to think and reflect on all the things that I've seen and heard.

[00:23:01] What gives an extrovert energy is being around people.

[00:23:05] So I also get energy from being around just one or two people.

[00:23:12] I would love to chat and visit with you each one on one.

[00:23:16] It would take me a hundred years to build a deep lasting relationship with either one.

[00:23:22] All of you over a beer.

[00:23:24] But I would enjoy that way more than just standing at the door and shaking all of your hands.

[00:23:30] Thank you for coming.

[00:23:31] I mean, it really only took us like ten years to figure it out and the rest has been gravy.

[00:23:37] So I feel like female introverts are at a higher disadvantage as far as friendship goes because then men introverts are.

[00:23:46] Simply because females look at other females differently in that way.

[00:23:51] And sometimes men do I feel like too.

[00:23:53] They have this label then put on them as an introvert that she's a...

[00:23:59] So female extroverts find an introvert and adopt them as your friend.

[00:24:06] Yes.

[00:24:07] That's the female introverts of the world.

[00:24:12] And so, right.

[00:24:14] I think we said that it's on our original podcast from a year ago is that the people that you should have doing your friendship podcast are really our wives.

[00:24:22] Amen.

[00:24:23] And because they've developed an incredible, you know, Christ-centered relationship that's not just built on the fact that they have kids the same age.

[00:24:35] It's not just built on the fact that their husbands are friends.

[00:24:38] They have a real enduring lasting friendship of their own.

[00:24:45] It probably helps that I like Colette, I think, out of all my friends' wives the most.

[00:24:49] I think you like her more than you like me.

[00:24:51] We all love each other.

[00:24:53] In case you didn't hear that, he said we all do.

[00:24:59] We all do.

[00:25:03] Leah?

[00:25:05] So first of all, I'm also a teacher at middle school and I appreciate the comment on the introverted extrovert.

[00:25:11] That's what I am.

[00:25:12] I'm talking to groups like this, blah blah blah.

[00:25:14] But if you tell me to sit down and, hi, how are you today?

[00:25:17] Let's shake hands and hug.

[00:25:19] Nope.

[00:25:20] So that's a great comment on that.

[00:25:22] But I have a friend of mine.

[00:25:24] So I've known her for 35 years.

[00:25:26] And I remember the first evening we met.

[00:25:29] We bonded over the fact that her mother made Bifruladen, her mother from Germany.

[00:25:33] And we both hated the onions and picked them out for half an hour and got kicked off the dinner table.

[00:25:38] Do you remember the first encounter the two of you had?

[00:25:45] The first one I remember.

[00:25:48] So like it's been 40 years, guys.

[00:25:52] I'm really old.

[00:25:53] That story by the way does not start.

[00:25:57] It was a dark and lonely night.

[00:26:00] So the first encounters I remember, one was doing laundry in the dorm.

[00:26:07] And here's Jason who just as an extrovert clearly needed someone to talk to.

[00:26:14] Bless his heart.

[00:26:17] And so I'm down here folding my laundry and here's this guy talking to me.

[00:26:22] And I kind of remembered his name but not really.

[00:26:25] He obviously knew who I was, which is great.

[00:26:27] Super good for you.

[00:26:30] And he was really, really worried about this girl he had met because she wore fancy designer clothes.

[00:26:39] Only come to find out that it was because she worked at a Marshalls and was getting all her clothes like not only at the Marshalls discount but then like at an employee discount on top of that.

[00:26:50] But he was very stressed out that he was not in her league financially or whatever I guess.

[00:26:57] And so that night there was just a lot of like smiling and not a huh?

[00:27:02] Okay.

[00:27:03] All right.

[00:27:04] Three years later I married her.

[00:27:06] So it worked out.

[00:27:08] Yeah.

[00:27:09] She's a very sharp dresser, very stylish.

[00:27:13] Mr. Shachman, thank you.

[00:27:15] Other things I do remember working security shifts with you.

[00:27:23] I remember as Jason is a diabetic like back in the day when diabetics actually had to like puncture themselves with needles.

[00:27:31] This is my first experience with that.

[00:27:33] So watching him give himself a shot in the middle of a shift or break into a faculty members office because he had the stash of pop in his office.

[00:27:44] Like bar bar.

[00:27:46] I'll say borrowing.

[00:27:48] I'm going to see you.

[00:27:50] I need a borrowing doctor because he needed 12 ounces of sugar.

[00:27:53] Yep.

[00:27:54] So we could keep working the shift together and at that time like I had no idea how serious diabetes was and they effects it has on the body.

[00:28:03] You know what's serious though?

[00:28:04] Because if it wasn't they'd call it live of these.

[00:28:07] They call diabetes.

[00:28:09] And now you know why this works.

[00:28:12] Thank you.

[00:28:13] Come here all night.

[00:28:14] Dead on dunds.

[00:28:16] All right.

[00:28:18] So we are well out of time.

[00:28:22] We thank you for coming tonight and for giving us your ear.

[00:28:26] But oh yeah, we got to sing.

[00:28:28] For lending us your ear and and and for dreaming for some impossible reason that we actually have wisdom about this.

[00:28:37] Again, we only have wisdom to talk about friendship because we have a friendship that we've made work.

[00:28:43] Right?

[00:28:44] And by God's grace it has worked.

[00:28:46] And that's I think the biggest selling point for why we can stand up in front of you guys is God's grace has and has carried us along.

[00:28:57] And through different states and different locations and different circumstances and different employments.

[00:29:08] God has provided along the way that somehow we can still be friends.

[00:29:12] So thanks.

[00:29:15] Thank you for being a friend.

[00:29:16] Thanks for having me.

[00:29:17] Yeah.

[00:29:18] Travel up and down the road and back again.

[00:29:23] Thanks Dave, we don't need to sing more of that song.

[00:29:27] May the road rise up to me, too.

[00:29:30] Okay.

[00:29:31] So what we're handing out here is our parting glass song.

[00:29:36] This is till we drink it a new.

[00:29:38] We are working on getting the lyrics to this song printed around the border of the room.

[00:29:45] So it'll be really easy to sing along when we're here at Brufinity.

[00:29:50] What?

[00:29:51] It's a lot of spinning after drinking, Mikey says.

[00:29:55] Yeah.

[00:29:56] Well, Chad and I will work it out.

[00:29:58] We'll figure out.

[00:29:59] Maybe we'll just do it in lines above the...

[00:30:05] Everywhere?

[00:30:06] Yeah.

[00:30:07] I don't think it works that way.

[00:30:10] Over there.

[00:30:13] We'll see.

[00:30:14] Okay.

[00:30:15] O.E. with relative pitch.

[00:30:20] I got a pitch by a way to talk about.

[00:30:23] I brought a pitch you in the face.

[00:30:26] Let's see, clear pitch.

[00:30:28] Do you want to start on a C really?

[00:30:35] That's where I was.

[00:30:38] Take up your heart.

[00:30:40] Your glass steps aside, your tea friends.

[00:30:43] Till we drink it a new.

[00:30:47] May God's lobby stiff and Christ also be true.

[00:30:52] Drink the part in glass and peace be with you.

[00:30:58] We can go a little faster.

[00:31:00] Let's do that again.

[00:31:02] Take up your cups of society friends.

[00:31:06] Till we drink it a new.

[00:31:09] May God's lobby stiff and Christ also be true.

[00:31:13] Drink the part in glass and peace be with you.

[00:31:18] Thank you all for coming out.

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[00:32:06] You love those way too much and I still can't believe you bought them.

[00:32:09] A donation of $200 or more gets you some cheerful, honored clapping.

[00:32:16] And a pair of Wisconsin made with warm hiking socks.

[00:32:19] A donation of $1000 or more gets you thunderous on air clapping.

[00:32:24] And a handmade Christ in all things leather folio by the murdy creative company.

[00:32:30] If you want to donate more than that,

[00:32:32] Well fly us wherever you want and we will record Christ in all things at your chosen location within reason of course.

[00:32:39] All post-production surplus supports youth ministry at St. Paul's.

[00:32:43] Thank you for your support.

[00:32:45] Christ in all things is a production of St. Paul's Lutheran Church,

[00:32:48] 210 East Pleasant Street in O'Connor, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

[00:32:51] For more information about St. Paul's visit splco.org.

[00:32:56] Email us at info at splco.org or the old fashioned way give us a call.

[00:33:03] 262-567-5001.

[00:33:06] Intro and outro music setting by Joseph Hurl.

[00:33:09] Copyright 1998 Concordia Publishing House.

[00:33:12] Used with permission.